Wednesday, January 2, 2008

As Great As Compatibility Readings Are... Most Of Them Are DANGEROUSLY WRONG

If you’ve ever turned to astrology before, then you know there are tons of astrological sources out there that promise to tell you all about your relationship, and if you and your “special someone” are compatible.

Please beware - some of them are pretty compelling, yet some of them are utter nonsense.

I’ve been in the New Age world most of my life, and have been a professional astrologer since 1991, so I know what I’m talking about when it comes to astrology and compatibility.

I’ve read over one hundred astrology books and studied for more than a decade under some of the most acclaimed astrologers in the world. I’ve given thousands of readings (the vast majority of which were about relationships) and even wrote a book, Love Is in the Stars, in the hopes that I could dispel a lot of misinformation about astrology, and could share little-known enlightening truths about astrology and relationships that can transform anyone’s love life for the better.

Here’s the thing – most sources dealing with astrological compatibility check to see if you have harmonious Sun signs and if there are any planetary “conjunctions” or “aspects” between your charts that are significant (a technique called “synastry”), and some of them even throw some numerology into the mix...

But this isn’t going deeply enough, isn’t focusing on what really matters, and isn’t scientifically valid!!

Don’t get me wrong, you might learn some valuable insights, and find some nuances that feel true for you, but it’s certainly not enough to help you to decide what to do with your relationship, and is usually no help at all as to how to improve things.

Here’s why:

Reason#1: Most Sources Are Based On The Wrong Information

Comparing your Sun sign to that of a specific man tells you next to nothing about your relationship, because Sun signs are not a reflection of how you or anyone else relate.

Sun signs influence behavior and how you present yourself to the world, but will have nothing to do with your emotional temperament.

In fact, if you want to know if you are fundamentally compatible with a man, you need to rely on an entirely different part of your chart. A part of your chart most astrologers don’t even know about!

Why is this so important? Well, the problem is your chart can seem like it goes really well with a man’s if your Sun signs are good together, and if your charts have positive “synastry,” creating great “connections” between your horoscopes. But there’s something far more critical that comparing Sun signs and looking to synastry don’t address at all, and if this critical thing doesn’t work with him, then those positive connections won’t typically be enough to “carry the day...” and may actually further bind you to a man that’s wrong for you! And, amazingly, you can be very happy with a man with whom your Sun sign doesn’t “go well” and with whom you have “bad” connections, if this critical thing is working for you...

In other words, relying solely on your Sun sign or simple “planet to planet” comparisons to determine your compatibility is a recipe for a love disaster!

Reason #2: Most Sources Aren’t Specific Enough

Did you know that your chart can be COMPLETELY different if you were born in the morning or born at night?

Or that where you were born can also completely change the chart?

It’s true. Your time of day and place of birth changes everything.

As crazy as it sounds, your compatibility with a man born on a certain day can be fantastic if he was born in the morning, but terrible if he was born in the afternoon, great if he born in the Northern Hemisphere, but lousy if he was born in the Southern – it’s that hair-splittingly sensitive!

So here’s the problem: Many sources only use birth dates when determining compatibility, therefore there are a whole lot of women making MAJOR decisions about their love lives… on incomplete or downright bad information!

Reason #3: Most Sources Don’t Focus on What REALLY Matters

Not only is it important that you focus on the right elements of your chart and that is accurate and specific enough to help you know WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON between you and a man…

But there’s something ELSE you need to know, and it’s the most important thing of all – the “critical thing” I mentioned above...

How you’ll feel together.

Because how you both FEEL (which is discovered by understanding and comparing the emotional/psychological make-up of your charts) is what REALLY determines the success – or challenge – of a relationship in the long term.

Think about it. How many times have you been told someone was “perfect” for you, only to meet them in person and want to run for the nearest exit before he had a chance to say, “Nice to meet you...”?

That’s because you and a man can have nothing in common “on paper” but still be completely at ease and comfortable together. Conversely, you may have everything going for your relationship in terms of your resumes, and likes and dislikes, but not feel good together.

And there’s a technique that explains WHY.

Your Compatibility With A Man And The Very Destiny Of Your Relationship Is Written In The Stars...

Ever since the dawn of time, people have been relying on astrology to help them navigate the uncertain waters of love.

For most of the world’s history, men and women didn’t “date” or have multiple partners over their lives.

They had just one shot at love, so they did everything they could to make it a success.

And the best, most reliable way they did this was by turning to their astrological charts.

In fact, marriages have been arranged in this way for thousands of years in India, with virtually no divorce... (Talk about pressure!)

That’s why, only until very modern times, the astrologer was one of the most respected, admired, and influential people of the community – because they set the course for love, and the happiness of an entire society rested upon their ability to translate the secrets of the stars into a good match here on earth.

And trust me, as someone who has studied and practiced astrology professionally for almost 20 years – accurately decoding and communicating the wisdom of the stars in no easy task.

But when done right... it’s the most powerful tool you can possibly use to ensure you have a loving, deeply satisfying and peaceful relationship.

When an astrologer reads your chart, he or she is able to uncover a TREMENDOUS amount about your relationship today, where it will be tomorrow, and WHY it makes you – and your partner – feel and act the way you do.

You can find out important things like:

  • If you feel passion or “chemistry” with a man, and if those feelings will last, or mislead you into staying in a relationship too long.

  • If you have the same sensibility – if you can agree on small things like what wallpaper to buy, and big things like your core values.

  • If you have an innate ability to understand each other and to meet each other’s needs, or if no matter what you do you’ll just feel frustrated.

  • If your man can handle you when you’re emotional – if he can reassure and comfort you when you’re upset, angry, or depressed, making you feel loved even when you’re not “perfect.”

  • If you’ll bring out each other’s best, and help you to become better than you already are – or if you amplify each other’s insecurities.

  • If you share a sense of purpose, or if over time you’ll drift further and further apart.

  • If you have that special “wow” or “zing” that will make you feel that “in love” feeling for life – and if he feels it, too.

Amazing, right?

I’ve literally read thousands of charts and seen them correctly reflect exactly what was happening in relationship after relationship, and had women of all ages and walks of life tell me what a comfort and relief this specific, and helpful this ancient knowledge can be…

But the most important part, the thing that gets me the most excited about helping people with their relationships isn’t just telling them with the stars say….

Interpreting What’s Written In The Stars To Create A Fulfilling, Passionate, Happy Love Life

A good astrologer can do more than tell you details about your relationship. They can tell you WHAT TO DO WITH THE INFORMATION.

It wouldn’t do you a whole lot of good to have someone give you insights into your relationship dynamics, and only pin-point its strong and weak points without telling you how to handle them.

Think about it – imagine if you were told, “Yeah, you and this guy communicate differently. Bummer. Good luck with that.”

What you’d really need is to be told how to WORK with your differences in communication so that it could be BETTER.

Otherwise, it would be like getting bad lab results from a doctor, with no prescription or cure. Imagine if you had constant headaches, for example, and your blood work indicated an allergy to certain foods. If your doctor said, “Your headaches are from food allergies,” you’d be relieved to know you didn’t have a brain tumor, but you’d still have headaches. If he also said, “So stop eating wheat and corn and you’ll feel 100% better,” then you’d actually have a solution, and your headaches could go away...

You get where I’m going with this – all this information about your “love destiny” with a man is great – but the ONLY WAY to take the deck of cards you are given and turn it into a winning hand is through learning WHAT TO DO with the deck.

Do you stay or do you go?

Do you call up a lost love and try to reconnect with him?

If you’re torn between two lovers, which is the better choice?

Can you shift things with him to prevent more problems in the future?

What’s the best thing to do if he has a bad temper? How do you calm him down and not further trigger his issues?

Is there a way to get him to feel excited to do things for your relationship, and stop unknowingly doing things that take away his motivation?

Can you have an effective way to keep from becoming insecure and freaked out when things suddenly become “off” between you, and instead bring healing and closeness?

Can you help there to be a more even balance of power between you, so you feel like equals?

Clearly, to learn all of these things you need to make sure you’ve found the right source. That should be easy, right?

WRONG!

What The Heck Are “Right Man Reports” – And What Will I Learn From Them?

After years and years of using this amazingly accurate system and technique to advise my private clients, I realized that I could provide more value if I could also give them a comprehensive, written overview of everything I was telling them in person, so that they could take it home with them to read and reflect upon as time passed and their relationships became more clear.

It’s been so helpful and accurate, that now I’m able to offer it to you for a fraction of the cost (and none of the hassle) of a private session.

This report contains up to eleven pages of detailed insights into your compatibility, as well as the very energy flow of the relationship itself...

Just as when I give a private reading, I cover 15 areas that reflect a relationship’s many facets, explaining the positive things you’ll experience if these areas work between you and the negative if they don’t.

Here’s a quick summary of each of the 15 areas of compatibility and how to work with them if they’re a challenge (the actual report is much more in-depth).

#1 Respect
Positive: You’ll feel that the man is able to anticipate your needs and be there for you. You’ll naturally grow to feel better and better about yourself with him. Soon, all the pain of your past will be a distant memory. The man will feel appreciated and will become a better man. You’ll both feel loved.
Negative: You’ll become more and more insecure in the relationship, and the man will dismiss you as a “nag,” causing you to feel that he doesn’t do the things for you that you need, and that you’re doing more for the relationship and are more bonded to him than he is to you...
What to do if negative: Essentially this means you have the faster process than the man, and are therefore the “doer” in the relationship. Quit thinking it means he doesn’t care about you – he simply needs more time to be ready for the “next” step of the relationship’s development. Bite your tongue and sit on your hands and be more patient, allowing him to initiate and be appreciative when he does – he’ll feel more supported and inspired to keep taking the lead once you give him the chance.

#2 Wavelength
Positive: You’ll have similar needs and wants and be energized by each other.
Negative: You won’t be able to get your needs met, and will actually find yourself drained by him, and he by you. You won’t feel that he really “gets” you or you him.
What to do if negative: You’ll be going along and everything will be fine, and then suddenly things will be “off” as though you’ve fallen into quicksand - don’t try to fix anything in the moment, or you’ll only sink further downward. The only way out is to get away from one another for a bit, while giving each other something to hold onto (“I’ll see you tomorrow,” “I’ll call you after dinner,” “We’re still on for Friday,” etc.). Go for a walk, or to see a friend - the break will help restore your connection and avoid a big drama.

#3 Excess
Positive: Your basic energies will balance and complement you both and even your health will improve from the relationship. You won’t become overly analytical, emotional, or irritated by each other.
Negative: You’ll amplify each other’s excesses to the point of experiencing weakened health, finding you may have irregular sleeping and eating habits to the point of insomnia, digestive problems, or eating disorders! You’ll both either over-think everything, be too sensitive to one another, or unable to keep the peace. Lacking this aspect of your compatibility can cause you extreme insecurity...
What to do if negative: What to do if negative: This is a physical phenomenon – your energies actually throw each other’s off, so sleep apart sometimes and make sure to have regular health habits. The report will reveal which is your particular excess as a couple – the tendency to over-analyze things, take everything so personally, or be overly reactive, and which one of you it most affects.

#4 Constructivism
Positive: You’ll enjoy shared goals, projects and activities. You’ll each appreciate what the other contributes to these efforts. You’ll be an effective team.
Negative: You won’t always value what the other does, and you’ll be unable to have movement forward. The very relationship itself will lack focus and concrete goals, causing you to not know what you’re supposed to do together.
What to do if negative: What to do if negative: It’s best to keep your personal relationship just that – personal. Don’t go into business together, keep your work separate, and when you must have a shared goal (such as decorating or building a house, raising children, or even planning a vacation) be sure to have more talks and planning about it all ahead of time than you’d otherwise do to avoid problems.

#5 Temperament
Positive: The man will be able to totally understand you – you’ll both be completely comfortable and fully yourselves. You’ll laugh at the same things, have similar tastes, and share sensibilities. Best of all, he’ll be able to “contain” you when you’re in an extreme emotion – he’ll be able to handle you at your worst, making you feel deeply loved.
Negative: None of the above will be easy – you won’t “get” each other, or feel like you can be yourselves. You may even feel squelched by him, or like you embarrass him or he embarrasses you. Worst of all, when you’re in a vulnerable, sensitive place, it will only shut him down and make him withdraw, leaving you feeling emotionally abandoned and unloved.
What to do if negative: Don’t be hurt or surprised when this man doesn’t think your every passing thought or idea is great – it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you, he just doesn’t always share your take on things. When you’re upset, sad, or overly sensitive, go to someone else with your intense feelings first (like a friend, sibling, therapist, etc.), and share them with him once you’ve calmed down, letting him know exactly what you need from him to feel better (as opposed to just whining, crying, or otherwise freaking out hoping he’ll be a mind reader and know how to comfort you).

#6 Friendliness
Positive: If you’re naturally friendly toward one another, then your relationship will have a foundation of friendship and closeness.
Negative: You’ll find it difficult to feel friendly toward one another, and will have to constantly compromise what you want for the sake of getting along...
What to do if negative: Make an effort to be extra polite with this man, and be sure to let him know when you need him to be more so toward you. This is not a “deal breaker” and may be of little concern for the relationship if other parts of your compatibility are strong.

#7 Instinctive Compatibility
Positive: You’ll be able to survive and thrive in intense experiences – such as being able to get through a crisis. You’ll enjoy situations that bring forward your more “primal” natures, having a big impact on how much you enjoy sex with one another.
Negative: You’ll have more discord and disconnects in intense experiences – a crisis could pull you apart and sex may not be as emotionally and physically intense as you’d like, even if you’re attracted to one another and have chemistry.
What to do if negative: What to do if negative: Know that your approach to intense situations is different – in a crisis you may become the “cavalry” and dive into save the day, while he retreats. Neither way is right or better, so appreciate that. Sexually, be sure to ask for what you want and find out what he likes – going on “auto-pilot” and hoping you’ll both just “figure it out” between the sheets won’t be as satisfying.

#8 Comfort
Positive: The man will be a source of comfort and ease to you. You’ll feel calmer and more at peace in his presence.
Negative: The man will be a source of anxiety or discomfort for you, to the point of feeling unsafe or somehow threatening – even if he hasn’t done anything to cause concern.
What to do if negative: This is about your basic energies and can’t be altered, but just knowing about this can make you understand what’s happening and make it less painful. This is one of the steps that isn’t a “deal breaker” and may be only a minor influence if the rest of your compatibility is strong.

#9 Innate Giving
Positive: The man will have the ability to know what you need and want and will gladly do what you require.
Negative: You’ll constantly have to ask for what you want and need and explain yourself, making you ultimately feel that he just doesn’t “get it” and making him feel that he can’t make you happy.
What to do if negative: There’s not a lot you can “do” about this one, aside from learning the most positive ways to ask for help and make requests (being polite and appreciative, giving lots of “atta boys,” for example). This is not a “deal breaker” on its own, and can be of little consequence to the relationship if other parts of your compatibility are strong.

#10 Mutation
Positive: The relationship will bring out healthy habits and empowering choices in both of your lives. You’ll be a good influence on each other.
Negative: You may actually take on unhealthy habits and more negative ways of doing things because of the man’s influence, and feel powerless to uplift him for the better.
What to do if negative: Make sure you can really accept this man’s lifestyle habits because you won’t be able to change or improve him and he may even drag you down. So have your own strong support system and routine to keep you on track, and don’t think his not improving means anything about you or how he feels about you – it’s just the deal.

#11 Innate Sense of Purpose
Positive: You’ll feel an extra special “wow” or “meant to be” feeling with him, even if other aspects of the relationship don’t work. Over time your relationship can have more and more meaning.
Negative: Your relationship will lack a strong feeling of meaning and purpose, even if it’s otherwise healthy and workable. Over time you may drift apart.
What to do if negative: Make sure to involve each other in both of your passions and life missions, sharing what matters to you most, making sure to spend enough time together even if those passions and missions don’t mesh. If this is negative between you it’s not a big deal breaker on its own unless other aspects of your compatibility are weak as well.

#12 Obstacles
Positive: The logistics of your relationship will be easy. The circumstances surrounding it will support your union.
Negative: It’s as though there will be constant outside barriers that get in the way of you being fully together. Emotional entanglements with other people, geographic challenges, financial problems, family conflicts, health problems, etc. will constantly plague you, way beyond what the average couple goes through.
What to do if negative: Be sure to ask enough questions and take honest stock of the situation before getting too involved with this man – is he really single and available? Is there room for a relationship in his life? If he’s always traveling, sick, complaining about being broke, or seeing other people then don’t kid yourself things will change – and make sure you’re really available before committing to him as well. This can be one of the greatest “deal breaker” parts of a relationship and should be taken very seriously.

#13 Misfortune
This step shows if your association brings about negative events or situations in your life or not. (Let’s not delve into this one here, shall we?)

#14 Assertive Pressure
Positive: You’ll be equals in terms of force, power and decision making and can negotiate life with both of you feeling heard and appreciated.
Negative: One of you will be more forceful and therefore have more power in the relationship, leaving the other one to potentially feel dominated or voiceless.
What to do if negative: Make sure to communicate often. Identify who in the relationship has the power, and make sure you both strive to compensate for that. If it’s you, be mindful not to run right over him, checking in with him about his feelings and opinions on joint decisions. If it’s him, since it will be hard for you to speak up and stand up to him, schedule a weekly meeting in which you both have a chance to “have the floor” and discuss topics affecting you. If that’s difficult, write him letters to express yourself so that he can’t interrupt or stop you from sharing.

#15 Conclusion
An overall evaluation of what this relationship will cost you, and if it’s worth it...
By breaking down the relationship into separate parts, I can tell you EXACTLY what’s going on between you and a man, helping you to recognize what parts of your relationship work, and what parts don’t,
while understanding if the overall “big picture” of your relationship is workable and supportive of you having a full life together or not.

Therefore, you understand whether you should or shouldn’t be in a relationship with your man... and what to do about it.

This takes all the confusion, misunderstanding, and “blame and shame” out of relationships. You now understand why you feel a huge pull to a man, but feel insecure with him. Or why you feel like you and he have so much mutual understanding and agreement, but no consistency in how you get along. Or why you feel secure with him but bored. Or why he can’t handle your intensity, leaving you to often feel emotionally rejected by him though he loves doing things with you... The combinations are endless.

Simply put, there is nothing even remotely resembling this technique in any other system of astrology...